Have you ever stopped to think about what you really want in a certain situation or in life? I mean, what you really, really want if you get down to your deepest desire?
I had a conversation with my dad recently and it led me to think about this. As we discussed some decisions that John and I are making and the waiting period we’re in for some decisions others are making on John’s behalf, I heard myself say something that I’ve been thinking about a lot lately and especially since our conversation. They funny thing is that I had just heard someone else mention the very same topic earlier that day. I’m sure it’s no coincidence that God brought it to my mind twice in one day.
What did I say? I’m glad you asked. 😊
As I was talking with Dad, I said, “Well, I’m not sure what I’ll do yet, but if I could do what I REALLY want to do……..” and then I gave some other details.
So, what do I really want as a result in the decision I’m making? Hmmm. That led me to some deep thinking.
Can you relate?
Have you ever been in that situation? Where you have some options but you’re not sure which you’ll choose. You know the benefits and disadvantages or challenges of each, but deep in your heart there’s one option that you would really like to choose?
It’s tough, isn’t it?
Let’s think it through:
Here’s a little exercise you can use when you’re in that situation. You can have someone help you with it or you can just write it all down on paper and do it alone. This is the type of deep-level thinking we coaches do with our clients all the time. (Not this particular super-simplistic exercise. I’m talking about the digging deeper part and awareness that we do with clients in various forms.)
Think of the result / choice you really want, then we’re going to take that a little further. Are you ready? Ok, so back to your results…
What would that result give you?
Write down everything you can think of or share your answer with someone. Hearing yourself speak out loud is very beneficial and powerful.
Now, what would those results give you?
Hmmm, a little deeper now. Take your time. Really begin to think about it.
Again, one more time, what would these new results give you? (You can repeat this more if you think it would be helpful.)
Well, by now you may be thinking, “Seriously? That’s not quite rocket science.” I know, but hear me out on this one and trust me.
By thinking of the results and then going deeper with what that would give you, and then repeating that a few times, you really get to the root.
Don’t just scratch the surface.
So often we face a decision or situation and think of a desired result, but it’s typically “bigger” or deeper than just that first desired result that comes to mind. The surface-level result is just that. The surface. What are we really desiring underneath it? What’s really driving our choice?
We often think, “Oh, this is what I want”, but it’s not always really just that.
Here’s an example.
Let’s say you wanted a vacation. (It’s probably an easy scenario to imagine, right?) And then you thought about all the things you’d get out of taking a vacation. Maybe it’s having fun, time away from work, time with the family, rest, no schedule, being able to visit somewhere else, crossing off an item from your bucket list, or even going someplace or taking a cruise or something else you had never done before. These are all great benefits of a vacation. It’s what you want.
Take it a step further. What would those give you?
So you think about that and you realize that time stands out in the results you want, as does going to a cabin in the mountains for a week.
Again……….what would that give you? What would time and a week in the mountains do for you?
Time. You realize that’s a biggie. You feel you don’t have time for what’s important. You need to carve out time for things you want to focus on. Like family. And a slower pace. And space or margin in your life. Hmmm. The cabin in the mountains……..it represents being able to “get away” and not have the normal hustle and bustle of your daily routine. And a slower pace….which leads back to time again. You like that it would give you control over your time and schedule… and the ability to fit in things that normally get squeezed out of your daily routine. You haven’t had that in a while. Your time is driving you…..you’re not in charge of your time. Ouch!
Then what would that give you?
….you take a deep breath and realize you said you feel squeezed …. Time would give you a feeling of expansion. The ability to “breathe” and not be choked out by your typical schedule/routine…….and you think of a metaphor: It’s like you’re an accordion and your everyday life is when the accordion is squeezed together, forcing the air out. This vacation would be you when the accordion is expanded. Just like the deep breath you just took, you could then “exhale” if you were able to control how you spend your time.
You’re beginning to realize it’s not just a vacation that you’re really desiring. Yes, you want the vacation and it will probably be wonderful, but you realize you want it because you need something to be different in your life on a day-to-day basis. The vacation is really like a bandage on top of the symptom. It’s a temporary fix, and like a bandage, you could change it out for another but the problem is still underneath until it’s healed.
You want time. And space. And a different pace. That’s what the vacation really represents. It’s not just to go somewhere fun and do something new or to have a little time off. Your desire is really a change at a deeper level.
It’s pretend, but…..
It’s just a fictitious scenario with made up results and desires. Please understand that I’m not saying everyone who wants a vacation has this thought process. I just made it up as an example. Vacations and time away are wonderful and healthy. It’s good to have time away and we’re more productive when we do so.
But, suppose this were real…..you could take that even further and then look at ways you could incorporate more time, space, and a slower space into your daily life.
- What kind of changes would you need to make?
- What options do you have to make that happen?
- What could get in the way?
- What steps would you need to take to make that happen?
- What would it “cost” to do so?
- What would it “cost” you if you didn’t make the changes…..etc.?
You can see how digging deeper can really lead to some powerful insight and help you as you make decisions. Don’t just stop with your first answer when you think of what you want. Dig down to WHY you chose what you did and that will lead to your deep desires.
It’s your turn………What do you really want?
I’d love to hear your thoughts. And what you really want!
