Losses never come as isolated events. They are either connected to other losses or they create ‘secondary losses’. The full impact of these may hit you later. At first, you may not even realize all the losses that will occur as a result of the primary loss you are experiencing. If you can identify the secondary losses in advance, you can lessen their impact, which will disrupt your life less than it would if they occurred suddenly and ambushed you.
Here are examples of some secondary losses that a wife who loses her husband could experience:
- friend
- handyman
- lover
- gardener
- companion
- sports partner
- checkbook balancer
- mechanic
- parent
- teacher
- counselor
- protector
- organizer
- provider
- cook
- bill payer
- laundry person
- confidante
- mentor
- prayer partner
- source of inspiration or insight
- encourager
- motivator
- business partner
- errand person
- tax preparer
- Sunday school class
- couple friends
As you can see from this extensive list, loss involves more than just the primary loss an individual is facing. Every type of loss will have its own secondary losses. They are painful. When grieving a loss in the present, you often grieve for what you will never have in the future as well.
What are some of the losses you have faced and what were the secondary losses? How did they impact you? Which loss has been the most difficult for you? What helped you to work through it?
