Does it sound terrible if I say that I enjoy grief coaching? While I don’t enjoy seeing others suffer in grief, my favorite part of grief work is the stories. The first thing I ask grief clients to do is to share their story. It’s such a beautiful and special thing to have those I work with share their stories and memories of their loved one with me. I think it’s actually their own stories that help them to process through their grief and to move forward.
You never know what will trigger a memory, or even a tear. Just this week I had one of those moments myself. My mom died of inflammatory breast cancer in 2011. I miss her so much, but what wonderful memories I have of her and our family life.
My memory trigger came in the form of a school lunch menu my kids brought home. I’ll be honest, I forget to look at them most of the time and I’ve been known to make spaghetti or something for dinner that they just had that day at school on more than one occasion. Oops! 🙂
My son’s lunch menu fell off of the refrigerator and landed on the floor in front of me. (I do hang them. I just don’t read them.) Suddenly, it reminded me of my own lunch menus when I was a child. My brother and I would sit and listen while Mom read them out loud to us. She used this really fun, dramatic voice that made everything sound delicious. We would laugh and giggle and ask her to read them again.
I don’t know why that memory came back that day, but it did. I haven’t thought of that in years. Decades, even. I wondered if my brother remembers how she used to do that.
Some stories may be painful, but often memories such as this bring joy. I know I had a smile on my face and a glimmer in my eye as I picked up that menu and actually read it. I also know that when the menus come home with my son from now on, I’ll probably think of Mom each time.
Part of grief work is being able to develop a new relationship with the person we’ve lost. Much of that comes through the memories. They’re no longer here to do life with us, but their memory lives on. We can spend our time being sad for what we lost, or we can be thankful for what we had. I choose to be thankful.
A great way to process through your grief and to honor the memory of your loved one is to tell your story. Even if it’s only to yourself. In another blog post (Read here) I wrote about 1,000 Memories and how to write your memories and tell your story. I thought it would be a good reminder to link to that post today. Writing our memories down is a wonderful way to “keep them” and pass them down.
It never ceases to amaze me when I watch a very sad person sitting in front of me crying and grieving suddenly get a twinkle in their eye and giggle a little as a smile creeps across their face when a cherished memory comes up. Not to make light of grief or their sadness– because it goes back and forth. But the memories are so good for the soul. They’re healing. While I know that not all memories are good and pleasant, I thank God for the gift of good memories.
What about you?
What’s your story? Will you tell it?
