Being a Godly Woman, Living intentionally
Do you use your time wisely and effectively?
How do you determine what gets done each day? Are you a planner?
I find that if things aren’t on my calendar, they don’t get done. It’s that simple, for me.
It’s all about the planner…
I use my phone calendar to keep track overall of appointments, activities, and responsibilities for my family, work, and school. I actually use a paper planner to really manage my time. I write in all the things I need to do each day and assign them a time. I tend to work in blocks of time, but even within blocks, I’ll often write out specific tasks which need to be done.
Time blocks
I like working in blocks of 25 or 40 minutes. Typically, I use 40-minute increments. I set the timer on my phone or use a visual timer. Something about setting that timer tells me to focus and makes all the difference.
One task at a time
One of best takeaways from the dissertation research course I just took was to NOT switch tasks in a single block of time. Don’t try to do several things in one sitting. For example, if I’m finding research articles, I only find the articles and save them. I typically print them also, but that’s fairly easy while I looking for the next one. I don’t skim, read, or highlight them at that time. I save that for another block of time and do several at once. I’m faster, more effective, and more efficient when I do so.
I’ve taken that principle and have applied it to all areas of life and blocks of time across my day. I find that I accomplish much more and it makes the work easier when I do so.
When I don’t…..well, that’s another story.
When we stay with one task, our brain works much more efficiently. It slows us down to switch back and forth between tasks.
“The Zone”
So, for me, I find that blocking out my time, assigning a specific task to each block of time, and then setting a timer puts me in “the zone” to work. It helps me stay focused on what it most important. (It’s all about saying Yes! to what matters most, right?)
I only work until the timer goes off, not until the task is finished. If I need more time to finish, I schedule another block of time later.
We’re all created differently and have our own style. What works for one won’t necessarily work for the next. Some would go crazy with my method; others would love it. 😊
I really want to make the best use of my time.
There are a lot of things I could spend (or waste) my time on each day. I want to be intentional and use it well. I’m like anyone else — some days I’m a “work in progress”; other days I spend my time well. Scripture tells us to make the best use of our time: “Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil.” (Ephesians 5:15-16, ESV)
I love hearing how others manage their time or tasks.
What works for you?
How do you mange all that God has called you to do each day?
Being a Godly Woman, Living intentionally, Transformation
Are you familiar with emotional intelligence (EQ)?
EQ is defined as: the capacity to be aware of, control, and express one’s emotions, and to handle interpersonal relationships judiciously and empathetically. According to Daniel Goleman, a psychologist who made this concept popular, it is made up of 5 key elements:
- Self-awareness
- Self-regulation
- Motivation
- Empathy
- Social skills
Have you ever been in an awkward situation brought about by low EQ?
I remember a very awkward situation I once observed. I felt bad not only for those impacted by it, but also for the one displaying the low EQ.
Let me set up the situation: Women were gathered for a special holiday event and there was an ornament exchange. Each woman was to bring a wrapped ornament to exchange anonymously. It was a lot of fun until one woman disliked the ornament she received. Instead of quietly setting it aside and allowing the event to continue smoothly, she made a big deal out of how much she disliked the ornament she chose.
I mean — a really big deal out of it.
She went on and on about how ugly it was and asked everyone near her, and those who walked by, if they thought it was ugly. She would not stop talking about it or complaining about receiving it. Eventually, another woman said she would trade her, just so she would stop.
Embarrassment…
I was embarrassed for the woman who was complaining. It was rude and she was oblivious to the feelings of anyone else. It was all about her. I was also embarrassed for the woman who had brought the ornament and I empathized with her. She was nearby and heard every criticism made of her and her choice of ornaments. It was rather painful. She later expressed to me how much it bothered her and how embarrassed, and a little angry, it made her. It was not necessary, and honestly, it was neither a mature reaction nor a godly reflection of how to treat others.
Can you relate to that?
Have you ever been in that type of situation? I think that will stick with me forever. I will admit that I lost a lot of respect for that woman that day, as her true character was on full display. It confirmed little signs I had seen previously.
It will also stick with me as a reminder of how to treat others and how to respond graciously to situations. It reminds me of the way our words and actions can impact others.
Pruning
Although I’ve always tried to be one who is very sensitive to the feelings and needs of those around me, God used that situation to do a little self-check in my own life as well. I looked for anything that needed to be pruned away.
- Were there any situations in which I was reacting to others in a hurtful way?
- Was I only aware of my own desires and needs and not concerned for others?
- How do I deal with disappointment?
- Do I react in a way that does not reflect the love of Christ and His control of my life?
What about you? Do you need any pruning?
- Have any character traits slipped into your life that you need to prune away?
- Do your actions and responses reflect Christ?
- Are you sensitive and empathetic to those around you?
- Are you aware of how you come across and how others perceive and “receive” you?
Ask God to help you prune any character traits from your life that are not truly reflective of Him.
Being a Godly Woman, Living intentionally
Do you ever feel like you’re over-extended with multiple things to do on your list, but you know you really don’t have enough to give all of them what they really need? Something will get “less”, whether intentional or not.
I’ve been dealing with a few things in this category myself and have been praying through some tough “Yes” and “No” decisions. It’s part of life and we all have to constantly evaluate and look at our use of time, talents, and resources.
I realize that for this season of life, certain people and things are much more important than others. They’re my calling. While I can say “Yes” to many things and they would be good, they’re really not the best use of my time right now. They’re not what matters most. I must stay focused on the most important tasks and roles God has given me. To leave the legacy I want to leave in key areas of my life, it will require me to make some tough choices sometimes.
Maybe you have a decision to make.
A choice about whether to say yes or no to an opportunity.
- What will get “less” if you say yes?
- Is it worth it?
- What difference would it make if you say no?
What will you do today to be intentional with your choices to make sure you’re saying “YES!” to what matters most?
What do you need to do to make sure your “YES!” is worth the less?
Being a Godly Woman, Life Purpose, Living intentionally, Transformation
Have you ever thought about what it means to “bloom with grace”?
My daughter painted this for me this weekend. She really enjoys painting and likes to give gifts and little notes of encouragement to people. She asked what my favorite flower is and then ran downstairs and painted this in just a few minutes. Not only do I think she did a beautiful job, but the phrase is very powerful.
We’re all probably familiar with the “bloom where you’re planted” phrase. We see it on a variety of items throughout the year, but especially in the spring. She took a different spin on it though. She added to bloom with grace.
Hmmm…. That’s interesting to think about.
Where are you planted during this season of life?
Are you blooming, or are you kicking and screaming that you’re there “against your will”? Are you determined to let everyone know this is not where you want to be or what you want to do?
- Why do you think God has you planted where you are right now?
- What could he be teaching your about yourself and about Him during this season?
- How does He want to use this time to your benefit and His glory?
- How can you bloom to be more like Him?
What about grace?
- Are you showing grace to those around you where you’re planted right now?
- What about yourself? Are you showing yourself grace?
- Are you letting other emotions rule and withholding grace from yourself and others?
When I think about blooming, I think of the things that are needed: water or nourishment, sunshine, good soil, and roots that grow strong and deep. If we’re fighting against God and the place where He has planted us right now, we’re not going to develop those strong roots and thrive. We may even grow for a while but not really ever bloom.
In order to bloom with grace wherever you’re planted right now, what changes do you need to make?
- Is there someone you need to be more gracious to?
- What would that look like?
- Do you need to change your attitude about your calling and roles for this season of your life and accept that God has planted you there?
- Or maybe it’s the opposite….maybe God wants to plant you somewhere else, but you want to stay where you are and not venture into something new with him.
What will you do today to bloom where you’re planted with grace?
Being a Godly Woman, Living intentionally
The boys
As you may know, I have 2 sons with Down syndrome. They are 8 and 9 years old. They are both in special education classrooms at their school and go to “specials” (PE, Music, Art) with a regular-education second grade class. Noah also spends one hour each day integrated into that same class for regular-education services. He loves it!
“Friendship Day”
Last week, Noah was invited to the “Friendship Day” party in that classroom to celebrate Valentine’s Day. This was HUGE for us. It’s the first time he’s ever been included for that type of thing. He was pretty excited about it. I went to the parties for both boys that day and was able to meet Noah’s classmates in the regular ed classroom. I know the children in their special education rooms, all of their teachers, and therapists, but had never met any of the children, other parents, or the teacher from his regular ed classroom.
It was a wonderful experience. As soon as we got there, everyone was so welcoming and happy to see him. He’s tiny compared to them– have the size of some of them or even smaller! He’s actually older than them though, as he’s 9 and would be in third grade, but we kept him back this year because he’s doing so well with reading and math and we wanted to solidify that foundation before we sent him to third grade, since it’s a huge jump. Plus, he wouldn’t be able to keep up and integrate in with a regular-ed classroom.
He played games, ate his snack, and passed out his valentines that he made for everyone in the class. One little girl immediately said she would help him to find everyone’s boxes. It was really sweet. At the end of the party, he said “Goodbye” and “thank you” and he went back to his special ed classroom with arms loaded with goodies and a huge smile on his face.
Surprised by kindness
When we got home that afternoon and I looked at his valentines from the other children with him, my heart swelled, and my eyes got a little teary. Ok, maybe more than “a little”. They’re teary even as I write this now.
I included a photo of a card made by one of the students. She took time to make a handwritten note addressed to both boys. She thanked them for joining them in “specials” (PE, Art, Music) and encouraged them by saying their drawings are good. My heart melted. How sweet is that?
Seriously, who’s cutting onions in the room right now?
Whisper from God
As a momma of 2 sweet boys with special needs I can’t begin to tell you how much that means to me. You think about about their future. Will people be kind? Will others look out for them? And so on…
Seeing the sweet card this little girl made was like a whisper from God saying, “They’re my sweet boys. I will take care of them.”
My next thought was of this little girl’s own mom. I have no idea who Payton is, but she has a kind heart and she has been taught well.
What about me?
I got to thinking about that and how it applies to me.
- Is there anything in my life that I need to be passing on to my own children, or an area where I need to look out for someone else?
- Am I open to doing what God wants me to do and going where He leads each day?
Maybe I’m supposed to be the “whisper from God” for someone else.
Maybe something I do will be confirmation for them and will touch their heart in a way that I will never know.
What about you?
- Is there anything you would like to instill in your own children?
- Is there anything you’ve been sensing that God wants you to do but you haven’t done it yet?
Maybe you’ll be somebody’s “whisper from God”.
The tiniest acts of kindness and encouragement can change someone’s day or even life. You never know!
What will you do today to be kind and to encourage someone?
Life Purpose, Living intentionally
Have you ever thought about what kind of car or vehicle you would be?
I like to think outside the box a little (ok, maybe a lot). The other day I was thinking about people and what our lives are like. that led me to compare our lives to cars. I’m not sure why. I’m not really a “car person”, but for some reason that analogy came to mind.
As I thought about it, I began to realize that it made sense, even if only in my own mind. It’s a little silly, but I think it’s actually something that has somewhat of a “deep” side to it also if you really think about it. Let’s have some fun and get creative for a few minutes…
If you had to describe your life/who you are right now by comparing it to a car or vehicle, what kind would you choose?
Let’s think of a few examples to get your creativity flowing.
Maybe you’re a race car.
- It’s all about speed. Everything is a rush. No time to slow down…. you’re in 5th gear all the time. Life is BUSY and you must go full-throttle.
Maybe you’re an expensive little sports car.
- It’s all about the bells and whistles and how you look. Maybe some things aren’t the most practical for getting around in day-to-day life, but it’s all about appearances. Life’s about having fun and impressing others.
Would you choose an ambulance?
- Maybe you’re always coming to the aid of wounded, hurting people and helping them yourself and/or “transporting” them to help. They know to call you when they need it.
Or a tow truck.
- You’re the one always helping people when they’re stuck or broken down and can’t get to where they need to be on their own.
Maybe you’re a tank.
- You just plow right through whatever is in your way. You don’t let anything intimidate or stop you. You have a mission and you’re determined to accomplish it no matter what. Maybe that sounds a little negative.
- On the positive side, you could be very resilient and just keep going no matter what comes your way. It doesn’t break you down.
What about a smart car?
- Those small efficient cars that take you from point A to point B. Nothing fancy, nothing extra. not even any extra space other than what you need to get from A to B.
Maybe you’re a work van or a work truck.
- No fancy windows, sleek lines, or gadgets to show off. Just the tools you need to do the job you have to do each day. You’re well-stocked and well-prepared for whatever comes at you. You’re dependable and equipped for the tasks you face each day.
I also thought about the Model-T.
- Nowadays that’s not the most practical car for the lifestyle we live, but if you think about it, it’s slower and kind of fun. Maybe this car would describe you. You’re taking life at a slower pace, enjoying the ride while you’re on it. Out in the open, in the fresh air, enjoying the sights as you take a nice, leisurely drive. You get the idea.
You could be a van or a bus.
- Plenty of room for others to come along and enjoy the ride with you. Functional and very practical, getting you from point A to point B like a city bus or school bus.
- Or it could be quite exciting. Like a touring bus taking you on a fun trip or a van with all the bells and whistles, movies and entertainment as you go along, etc.
Maybe you a car sitting on the side of the road with a boot on it.
- Temporarily out of service with an obstacle that makes it impossible to drive until it’s removed.
Or you could have a flat tire or just low air in your tires.
- You’re moving along, but it’s a bit of a rough ride. Not quite as smooth as it could be.
Then again, you may just be a regular, basic, dependable car.
- Nothing out of the ordinary or terrible exceptional that would put you in a different category. Very functional and no major concerns. Just normal maintenance.
This just scratched the surface of land vehicles.
There is so much more you could choose from this category. And then we could go on… boats, airplanes……so many different types of each kind. They all have different purposes and functions, as well as features and details.
There is much more I could have said and analogies I’d love to mention, but that would get even longer and more laborious.
When I asked my husband what he would be, he instantly said he’s a broken-down station wagon, full of people not going anywhere. If you know him, you know he’s been sick this year and we have 7 children. He laughed and said that felt like an accurate description at the moment.
So, think about it for a minute. Get creative! Really describe yourself in detail as a vehicle.
Air, land, water…..so many options.
- What car would you choose and why?
- Do you like the car or vehicle you “are” currently? Why or why not?
- What would you choose if you could “be” something different? Why?
You have the ability to determine which kind of vehicle you are from today forward… What will it be?
I’d love to hear the answers on this one!
Living intentionally
“No matter where we are, life presents us with two choices. Either we can use it to indulge ourselves, or we can use it to make an impact on the lives of others.
In other words, the choice we face is between EMPTY SELF-INDULGENCE and MEANINGFUL ACTIVITY.
Will we seek God’s plan for our life or will we drift aimlessly along, spending our days trying to squeeze as much enjoyment as we can out of life?” — Billy Graham
Living intentionally
Changing someone else is impossible.
Changing your situation is possible and changing yourself gives you the strength to say “I’m-possible”. Everything is different when you make the decision to change.
Who are you trying to change — yourself or others?
Life Balance, Living intentionally, Transformation
Have you ever stopped to think about what you really want in a certain situation or in life? I mean, what you really, really want if you get down to your deepest desire?
I had a conversation with my dad recently and it led me to think about this. As we discussed some decisions that John and I are making and the waiting period we’re in for some decisions others are making on John’s behalf, I heard myself say something that I’ve been thinking about a lot lately and especially since our conversation. They funny thing is that I had just heard someone else mention the very same topic earlier that day. I’m sure it’s no coincidence that God brought it to my mind twice in one day.
What did I say? I’m glad you asked. 😊
As I was talking with Dad, I said, “Well, I’m not sure what I’ll do yet, but if I could do what I REALLY want to do……..” and then I gave some other details.
So, what do I really want as a result in the decision I’m making? Hmmm. That led me to some deep thinking.
Can you relate?
Have you ever been in that situation? Where you have some options but you’re not sure which you’ll choose. You know the benefits and disadvantages or challenges of each, but deep in your heart there’s one option that you would really like to choose?
It’s tough, isn’t it?
Let’s think it through:
Here’s a little exercise you can use when you’re in that situation. You can have someone help you with it or you can just write it all down on paper and do it alone. This is the type of deep-level thinking we coaches do with our clients all the time. (Not this particular super-simplistic exercise. I’m talking about the digging deeper part and awareness that we do with clients in various forms.)
Think of the result / choice you really want, then we’re going to take that a little further. Are you ready? Ok, so back to your results…
What would that result give you?
Write down everything you can think of or share your answer with someone. Hearing yourself speak out loud is very beneficial and powerful.
Now, what would those results give you?
Hmmm, a little deeper now. Take your time. Really begin to think about it.
Again, one more time, what would these new results give you? (You can repeat this more if you think it would be helpful.)
Well, by now you may be thinking, “Seriously? That’s not quite rocket science.” I know, but hear me out on this one and trust me.
By thinking of the results and then going deeper with what that would give you, and then repeating that a few times, you really get to the root.
Don’t just scratch the surface.
So often we face a decision or situation and think of a desired result, but it’s typically “bigger” or deeper than just that first desired result that comes to mind. The surface-level result is just that. The surface. What are we really desiring underneath it? What’s really driving our choice?
We often think, “Oh, this is what I want”, but it’s not always really just that.
Here’s an example.
Let’s say you wanted a vacation. (It’s probably an easy scenario to imagine, right?) And then you thought about all the things you’d get out of taking a vacation. Maybe it’s having fun, time away from work, time with the family, rest, no schedule, being able to visit somewhere else, crossing off an item from your bucket list, or even going someplace or taking a cruise or something else you had never done before. These are all great benefits of a vacation. It’s what you want.
Take it a step further. What would those give you?
So you think about that and you realize that time stands out in the results you want, as does going to a cabin in the mountains for a week.
Again……….what would that give you? What would time and a week in the mountains do for you?
Time. You realize that’s a biggie. You feel you don’t have time for what’s important. You need to carve out time for things you want to focus on. Like family. And a slower pace. And space or margin in your life. Hmmm. The cabin in the mountains……..it represents being able to “get away” and not have the normal hustle and bustle of your daily routine. And a slower pace….which leads back to time again. You like that it would give you control over your time and schedule… and the ability to fit in things that normally get squeezed out of your daily routine. You haven’t had that in a while. Your time is driving you…..you’re not in charge of your time. Ouch!
Then what would that give you?
….you take a deep breath and realize you said you feel squeezed …. Time would give you a feeling of expansion. The ability to “breathe” and not be choked out by your typical schedule/routine…….and you think of a metaphor: It’s like you’re an accordion and your everyday life is when the accordion is squeezed together, forcing the air out. This vacation would be you when the accordion is expanded. Just like the deep breath you just took, you could then “exhale” if you were able to control how you spend your time.
You’re beginning to realize it’s not just a vacation that you’re really desiring. Yes, you want the vacation and it will probably be wonderful, but you realize you want it because you need something to be different in your life on a day-to-day basis. The vacation is really like a bandage on top of the symptom. It’s a temporary fix, and like a bandage, you could change it out for another but the problem is still underneath until it’s healed.
You want time. And space. And a different pace. That’s what the vacation really represents. It’s not just to go somewhere fun and do something new or to have a little time off. Your desire is really a change at a deeper level.
It’s pretend, but…..
It’s just a fictitious scenario with made up results and desires. Please understand that I’m not saying everyone who wants a vacation has this thought process. I just made it up as an example. Vacations and time away are wonderful and healthy. It’s good to have time away and we’re more productive when we do so.
But, suppose this were real…..you could take that even further and then look at ways you could incorporate more time, space, and a slower space into your daily life.
- What kind of changes would you need to make?
- What options do you have to make that happen?
- What could get in the way?
- What steps would you need to take to make that happen?
- What would it “cost” to do so?
- What would it “cost” you if you didn’t make the changes…..etc.?
You can see how digging deeper can really lead to some powerful insight and help you as you make decisions. Don’t just stop with your first answer when you think of what you want. Dig down to WHY you chose what you did and that will lead to your deep desires.
It’s your turn………What do you really want?
I’d love to hear your thoughts. And what you really want!
Adversity, Goals, Life Purpose, Living intentionally
I’ve been praying about continuing my education and have always wanted to pursue a doctorate degree, so guess what………… I’m officially a seminary student!
I will be getting the Doctor of Counseling (DCoun) degree through Midwestern Baptist Theological Seminary.
It’s a continuation and the next phase of the exciting adventure I’ve already started with my coaching and counseling training in the past.
Although I do most of my work in the field of coaching, I am also a counselor and meet and/or hear of so many people on a daily basis who are hurting or could use support and guidance. There’s a big need for that role in ministry. I’d like to be equipped in the best way possible to help address those needs and to bring true hope and healing in Christ to those who need it.
Clinically Descriptive and Biblically Prescriptive
Their counseling model really appealed to me. I love that they integrate a clinical and biblical approach to their counseling model.
Resilience
One of my passions in life is the idea of resilience. With all of the twists and turns our life has taken over the years, and even this summer, I know that God will use my story and experiences for the good of others. My prayer is that I will always follow through the open doors that He prepares for me and that I will never ask “Why me?” but will instead always ask “How…..how would You have me to use this for Your glory?”
For my dissertation, I plan to focus on the topic of resilience in some form. (more…)
