Dr. Susan J. Zonnebelt-Smeenge and Dr. Robert C. DeVries describe grief work as five tasks that must be completed. These five tasks do not have to be done in a specific order. They are like puzzle pieces: there are many different orders in which you can put them together, but the pieces are designed to be used in specific relationship to other pieces. There are corresponding behaviors for each of the five tasks that need to be addressed as you work grief.
Task #1 — Accept the reality that your loved one has died and is unable to return. This is hard to do, even though it seems pretty obvious.
Task #2 — Express all your emotions associated with the death. Holding them in makes it more complicated.
Task #3 — Sort through and identify the memories of your loved one and find a place to store them so you can begin to move on.
Task #4 — Identify who you are independent of your deceased love one. This is a really important part of the journey. Who are you now? If you lost a child, how many children do you say you have now? If your spouse died, are you married? This is a big adjustment stage as you determine who you are.
Task #5 — Begin to reinvest in your life in a way that is consistent with your reshaped sense of identity. What are you personal interests and desire at this point in your life?
